Home Sweet Sarah

30 Little Things : 8 : 15 Facts about me

Posted on April 3, 2011 by Sarah

1. I’m 5’7″ (I always assume other people from inside the computer are also 5’7″-ish, so I’m surprised when I find out some ladies are almost 6-feet tall or, alternatively, little minis.)

2. We receive five magazine subscriptions at our house: Us Weekly, Allure, Better Homes & Gardens, Automobile, and Motor Trend.

3. I’ve had four last names.

4. I wear a size 8 or 8 1/2 shoe, which means I can almost never find my size.

5. My middle name is Michal.

6. I will eat anything (ANYTHING) except mayonnaise (and even that I do sometimes eat…Tuna fish sandwiches, ranch dressing, etc.)

7. I can’t drive a stick shift. Which is fine, as I hate driving anyway.

8. When I was a kid, my mom made me watch the adrenaline shot scene from “Pulp Fiction,” to dissuade me from doing drugs. Well, I never snorted heroin, so I guess it worked.

9. I like all kinds of music, INCLUDING country. Alan Jackson is a fave (“Where I come from, we like the girls that sing soprano.”)

10. I’m an only child…An only child with three brothers-in-law and three half-siblings…But still an only child. (And proud to be one!)

11. I drive 70 miles roundtrip to work every day.

12. I always confuse J. Edgar Hoover and G. Gordon Liddy. NOT the same person.

13. I share a birthday with Abraham Lincoln.

14. I’m totally not athletic and yet, I can snowboard and I’ve stood up on a surfboard (in the water, even!) and I’ve run a half marathon.

15. I’ve been using the same pair of Tweezerman tweezers for over 10 years. They really are the best.

(For background, and to keep updated on what I’ve accomplished in the 30 Little Things project, click here. Also, follow Sensibly Sassy, Barbetti, Ready for 30, Maura Lessa, Vicki, Kristie, Just Expressive, and Penny as they play along too!)

Posted in 30 Little Things | 3 Comments

First Day Of My Life*

Posted on April 1, 2011 by Sarah

A couple weeks ago, Chris’s BlackBerry went kaput and so we had to go, like, an entire day and a half without texting. We’ve been texting as our primary means of communication since he first dropped me off from a morning/day/night of hanging out and accidentally texted the wrong Sarah. And then he texted me, the right Sarah, and we haven’t stopped texting since.

Anyway, his phone died and so I went through my Gmail archives and found the first email I’d sent to his work email the Monday after we met, March 24, 2007. And then, to be all sentimental and shit, I sent him an email under that email thread. And then like that Monday after we first met, I waited around all day for him to respond, all goofy and excited.

But this is neither here nor there! The point is, this season — the end of March, beginning of April — marks my favorite time of year. Four years ago during this time, I was a newly single, ready to mingle lady who didn’t want anything more than to date a bunch of random dudes, go out, drink a lot, and have FUN.

And then life threw Chris at me and man, fun is what I got.

Next month (NEXT MONTH, HELP ME) I’ll be having a baby with the baddest mother fucker out of all the bad mother fuckers.

Life’s Good.

*Bright Eyes. (Shamelessly stole the song-title-as-blog-post-title thing from Jonna.)

Posted in Chris, She's Having a Baby | 9 Comments

“Better get used to these bars, kid”

Posted on March 31, 2011 by Sarah

After all that I hate pink! I want something DIFFERENT! hemming and hawing, it turns out ~~our kid’s room~~ the nice place for me to hang out is going to end up pretty boring and basic. Rather than work myself up over not too girly/not too expensive/there is no pleasing me crib bedding, I bought several sets of plain sheets and called it a day.

I haven’t bought any blankets and I figure I’ll just buy the least offensive blanket(s) I can find, whenever I need it (them.) Although! I did receive this gorgeous handmade blanket from my mom’s best friend at my baby shower this past weekend:

And other than a super cool awesome poster which I will reveal at a later date, we haven’t actually decorated the room in green and purple, like I’d intended, instead choosing the theme Prison Chic for our little gal. (“You will like these white sheets and cold surfaces, missy!”)

Luckily, I have still been able to incorporate my beloved green and purple into the mix. And by “I have” I mean other people have…See?

My BFF ordered these spot-on-Sarah baby shower invitations:

With a matching cake, natch:

And Ashley from Our Little Apartment custom-designed these thank you cards in her Etsy shop:

Act surprised when you receive one, will ya?

The one thing I did do was make sure I was appropriately outfitted for the occasion:

As per usual, most of my outfit hails from Target’s juniors section. As my grandma said this weekend, Target should compensate me for all the free advertising I’m doing for them. Hear, hear!

Although I was pretty against having a baby shower initially, a surprise visit from one aunt and her brood (they traveled with newborn twins and an almost-three-year-old from Colorado!) as well as getting to see this aunt and her gorgeous girl made it all worth it. Plus the baby shower was in a bar. How could I argue with that?

A big thank you to my BFF CBHL for planning the soirée, as well as everyone who came from near and far to attend.

Now to wash all the itty-bitty baby clothes, including, but not limited to, a Juicy terrycloth pool cover-up from my mom. I’m only mildly stressing out about making damn sure we go to Bakersfield this summer, so we can get a photo of three generations of ladies in their Juicy terrycloth pool cover-ups. Priorities!

Posted in She's Having a Baby | 7 Comments

Survivalist douche

Posted on March 30, 2011 by Sarah

I’ve never liked Richard Blais of Top Chef fame. I remember being elated when he got his ass kicked on his season of Top Chef. Of course, this season he was back, seeking redemption on Top Chef: All Sucks and towards the end of the season, I really started noticing how he just says THE STUPIDEST. THINGS.

If I’d had the foresight, I would have kept a running list of all Richard’s doucheisms from the entire season, but sadly, I didn’t. Instead, I have just two, but they’re two that are so douchey, I’ve committed them to memory and every time I even think about one of them, I cringe.

Here are Richard’s doucheisms, paraphrased, because I can’t be bothered to search for video online.

Richard Blais Doucheism #1: “There’s a physicality to this challenge.”

You guys, he was talking about the Target challenge, wherein contestants had to cook with/on/using only items (including food) from Target. When they unveiled this particular challenge, I told Chris, “I would so make that challenge my bitch. It’s basically like I’ve been training for such a challenge my entire life. I would KILL IT.”

But that’s not the point. The point is Sir Richard, winded from all that…RUNNING AROUND TARGET…was likening the challenge to, like, a sporting event. Heh, “There’s a physicality to the challenge,” heh. SHUT UP. You’re a CHEF, not an Olympian.

Richard Blais Doucheism #2: “It’s like survivalist cooking.”

This was said as contestants were cooking on a beach…With pots, pans, utensils, stocked pantries, and FIRE PITS.

Sure they had to go diving (in shallow waters) for conch (that had been placed there by crew members), but still. Survivalist cooking, REALLY?

I’m sure anyone who’s actually had to cook to survive in the wild would totally agree with you, Richard. Shall we ask Wilson?

Point is, Richard Blais is a douche who says douche things. Join me in rooting against him on tonight’s finale!

Posted in Book, Movies, TV, & Music | 11 Comments

Why don’t you all just…fade away?

Posted on March 24, 2011 by Sarah

I’m going through this phase where everything pisses me off. While I don’t usually act super cheery, I am a happy individual, so to be constantly annoyed isn’t really that fun. For anyone. Mostly not fun for Chris, who doesn’t deserve my mean mugs and hairy dog eyes. Like my mom said the other day, “Why would you be mean to Chris? He’s wonderful and never does anything wrong.” It’s true, he’s pretty damn awesome, but we’re not here to talk about him and his wonderfulness. We’re here to talk about things that are pissing me right the hell off.

Things that are pissing me right the hell off:

– The fact that people don’t know I’m pregnant and act accordingly by way of special services. I’m looking at YOU, person who wouldn’t let me into my lane on the freeway (even though I had my blinker on, dammit!) I’m PREGNANT, therefore, you should let me in your lane (you also shouldn’t cut me off.) Basically, everyone should just KNOW I’m pregnant and do everything in their power to make my life easier.

– The man who tried to cut in front of me in line going through security this morning. Was me handing my purse to the security tech taking too long for you, Mr. Important? Rule: No one jumps in front of me in line. Ever. But especially not when I’m pregnant. (See above.)

– The temp who’s been filling in for our office told me this morning I look bigger than I did yesterday. I told her I was the same size as yesterday and then she tried to say something about how maybe it was my shirt. (Like I’m supposed to find a shirt that fits nicely around a giant lump? Psh.)

Why do people say these things to pregnant women? WHY? The only thing people should say to pregnant women is, “You look great!” or “You don’t even look pregnant!” or something that’s probably a total lie, but whatever; us pregnant women are sensitive little creatures (who’ll rip your head off if you say the wrong thing.)

Alright, I feel better now that I’ve gotten some of this negativity out! Care to share some things that are currently pissing you right the hell off? Do it — you’ll feel better!

Posted in All About Moi, She's Having a Baby | 13 Comments

30 Little Things : 7 : The last item I purchased

Posted on March 17, 2011 by Sarah

I don’t know if this is actually the last item I purchased – I think the last thing I bought was gas (boring!) or maybe some maternity stuff from Gap (which said it was delivered yesterday, but was not delivered yesterday…You guys, I have NO clothes that fit…None.) – but this is the last fun thing I bought.

My girl Mama Bub posted about these mascara samplers on Style Lush and I didn’t waste one day before ordering mine:

I’ve tried about half of the mascaras so far, so I can’t determine a favorite just yet, but I’ll keep you posted.

Also, dudes totally don’t get the thrill of the sampler mascara kit. That is, unless you explain it to them like this:

Me: Imagine you could buy a kit with all the different brands of wrenches – Craftsman, Snap-On, Crescent, what have you – which would allow you to easily determine WHICH brand you liked best.

Chris: That would be awesome…But like $300.

Me: Imagine if it was only THIRTY-TWO dollars.

Chris: (Speechless. Mind = blown.)

Posted in 30 Little Things | 7 Comments

Dear Sarah: What do I do with this weird cubby above my closet?

Posted on March 14, 2011 by Sarah

Today we have a home decor question from my girl Kristen. As you can see from the picture, there’s a weird cubby above her closet that’s sort of begging for something…But what that something is? Who knows.

Before we delve into what in the hell to do with the weird cubby, let’s take a second to talk about those weird spaces contractors create, shall we? Most of the time I see these spaces in kitchens, when contractors don’t make the cabinets go all the way up to the ceiling. These spaces personally offend me, because I feel like a good contractor should make spaces as efficient as possible. Contractors of the world: Wasted space is not efficient!

However, you can at least make some use out of these empty above-the-kitchen-cabinet spaces – they make good a storage area for big vases, punch bowls, picnic baskets, etc.

A weird cubby above a closet, though…Now that’s a whole new kind of wasted space. Are you supposed to use the weird cubby as storage? (What would you store there? Nothing cute like a punch bowl, that’s for damn sure.) Are you supposed to paint around the weird cubby and just pretend it doesn’t exist? (“Weird cubby? What weird cubby?”)

Kristen mentioned to me that another weird cubby in their house has been fixed by adding crown molding to hit right at the bottom of the weird cubby. But dude, crown molding is sort of a bitch. I mean, I assume it is. I’ve never done crown molding myself, but I have done baseboards and I imagine they’re pretty similar. You need a fancy saw and you have to measure once and cut twice (or something) and you have to figure out how to adhere it to the wall (glue? nail gun?) And then there’s caulking! And the touch-up painting! And all this on a ladder, as opposed to sitting on the floor! I’m having nightmares just thinking about it.

So! My advice to you Kristen is to first determine what you plan to do with the weird cubby. Do you have something cute to put there? I am going to assume you don’t and so let’s move on to my second question.

What color are you planning to paint the room? Are you looking to keep it neutral/light? If so, I think you can get away with painting everything but the weird cubby. Just paint around it and pretend it doesn’t exist.

If you’re looking to go dark, then I’d say you need to get yourself up on a ladder and into that weird cubby because you’re going to need to paint the sides and the back. This will draw more attention to the weird cubby, though, which might not be your ideal situation (however, it would be your ideal situation if you had something to put in that weird cubby.)

If you’re totally sold on the crown molding idea, I’d say no matter what color you paint the room – light or dark – you would leave the weird cubby as-is. The crown molding’s job would be to mitigate any weird cubbiness and would be the ultimate “Weird cubby? What weird cubby?” tool.

Well, Kristen, I hope I gave you a few options for the situation you’re working with…Let me know what you end up doing with the weird cubby!

Got a question for Dear Sarah? Ask away!

Posted in Dear Sarah | 2 Comments

The Rules of Fashion Etiquette According to Sarah*

Posted on March 7, 2011 by Sarah

There’s a fashion rule, similar to the No White After Labor Day rule, that says you can’t wear navy blue and brown together. Do you know of this rule?

I feel like people in my generation don’t know of this rule and in fact, think it’s the OPPOSITE – that you MUST wear navy blue with brown, not black. This annoys me to no end.

(Although, now that I think about it, maybe my generation actually knows this rule; perhaps they’re just bucking the trend. As a trend-bucker myself (unpasteurized cheese? raw fish? turkey cold cuts? WINE?! while pregnant) I appreciate their gumption, however, some rules were not meant to be broken. The No Navy Blue and Brown rule is one of them.)

I don’t know why this bothers me so much. I really shouldn’t care, and yet, here we are.

While we’re on the subject of fashion rules, I have a few new ones I made up recently and (because I’m a crotchety old lady who gets her kicks telling these young whippersnappers what is and what is not acceptable to wear (in the professional world)) here they are:

– No Uggs.

– No Bare Legs. You should always wear tights (or leggings, or panty hose, if you’re feeling especially old and crotchety) in the winter. I see so many ladies running around the halls all bare-legged and I want to shake them and say, “You look unprofessional! And you’ll catch a cold! And shoot your eye out!”

– No Mini Skirts. You wouldn’t think I’d have to make this a rule, but I see lots of mini-skirts being worn from 9am-5pm. I personally employ the junior-high Your Skirt Can’t Be Shorter Than Your Finger Tips rule and even then, I don’t wear anything that goes just to my finger tips, preferring a little more coverage.

(Except recently, as I’ve been living in sweater dresses that are becoming increasingly shorter as my belly grows, thus pushing the sweater dress up and out, but whatever, I always wear leggings and boots and a long-sleeved t-shirt and the only skin visible is that on my hands and face, so I think I’m safe and even if I’m not, I AM, because fuck it, I’m carting around a fetus and hey, you try driving in platforms.)

– Pick (Only) One Fun Thing. I’m all for fun shoes and fun colored tights and fun patterned shirts and fun jewelry, but I think the fun needs to be limited, lest you look: A) Totally crazy, B) Totally juvenile, C) Like the (crazy) lady I saw recently, who was wearing almost head-to-toe leopard print AND thick gold chain jewelry, or D) Like the (juvenile) girl I saw recently who was wearing 4-inch snakeskin stilettos AND a short skirt with a too-high slit (and bare legs, natch.)

One fun thing, ladies. One fun thing.

So there you have it, the Rules Of Fashion Etiquette According To Sarah (*who’s currently sitting on her couch bra-less and wearing leggings as pants.)

Posted in Beauty & Fashion | 14 Comments

I don’t really like talking about my flare

Posted on March 3, 2011 by Sarah

A glimpse into a typical day ’round here:

Me: Didn’t you play an instrument? What was it…The clarinet?

Chris: NO. I played the saxophone.

Me: Oh, like Lisa Simpson?

Chris: NO. Like Bill Clinton.

And then someone starts singing “Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta” and then we watch “Office Space.”

Posted in Book, Movies, TV, & Music, Chris, Nerd Alert! | 3 Comments

Joaquin Fetus: I’m still here

Posted on February 28, 2011 by Sarah

Hey…Soooo…I’m still pregnant. I’m actually in my third trimester now which – HOLY SHEEP SHIT – took me by surprise. A couple weeks ago, I went on a walk where I said to myself (out-loud, because I talk to myself), “Oh, I have a couple more weeks until I’m in my third trimester!” and then I came home and read of those Your Baby Is The Size Of A Winter Squash things online that said I was in my third trimester. And I was like, “HOLY SHEEP SHIT, I’M IN MY THIRD TRIMESTER,” and Chris was like, “Yeah, and you have been for like a week.” So, at least someone’s been reading about this pregnancy because it, uhh, it hasn’t been me.

We haven’t done much in the way of preparing for this kid. Well, I haven’t done much. Chris put together the crib while I was at a ladies’ brunch a couple weekends ago and now he’s started re-finishing his changing table/dresser from when he was a little mini Chris. I’ve been helping out by critiquing colors of stain and using my trigger finger to buy a bunch of crap from Amazon.

I finally figured out my tactic for decorating ~~the kid’s room~~ the nice place for me to hang out. If you recall, there was much aggravation a couple months ago about all the pink-and-that’s-it for baby girl room decor, so rather than fight it, I’ve just decided to buy everything as plain as possible and then add nice, non-baby touches. So, she’s been outfitted with plain white sheets and I’m trying to register for items as plain as I can find them. If I could buy one of everything in black (black stroller, black pack and play, black…whatever else babies need) I would, but it seems they don’t make baby things in plain black, either and OMG I’m stopping now before I get myself all worked up again.

Enough about all that boring baby crap – let’s talk about ME! I’ve been feeling pretty good, other than the usual pregnancy-related crap, like the fact that my middle section (think in between my stomach and my crotchal region, as Ron Burgundy would say) hurts like HELL pretty much all the time, but especially when rolling over at night. It’s to the point where I don’t want to roll over because it hurts so badly. If Chris is awake, he’ll “heave a hoe” and push my sorry ass out of bed, which is about as luxurious as it sounds (actually it really is quite nice.)

A couple weekends ago, we went to Mendocino FOR MY BIRTHDAY (not for a babymoon, as some people tried to imply. Seriously, you’re all fired for using the term babymoon) and it was quite lovely. Mendocino is a quiet little town – a little TOO quiet for my liking, generally, but since I am pregnant and binge drinking is discouraged, it was actually the perfect place to spend a couple of days. Sleep, eat, look at the ocean, and repeat. Here’s a trifecta of self portraits for your viewing pleasure:

Self portrait 1

At Glass Beach in Ft. Bragg which was NOT everything it was cracked up to be.

Self portrait 2
Mendocino
At the beach right outside our hotel room.

Self portrait 3
Point Cabrillo Light House
At the Pt. Cabrillo Light House. It was only a mile walk to and from the light house but I, due to a flare-up from the aforementioned between-stomach-and-crotchal-region pain, barely made it. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Well, Internet, I think that’s it! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have seven boxes of Girl Scout cookies to eat and less than 10 weeks in which to eat them. I need to get on that.

Posted in She's Having a Baby, Travel | 10 Comments