The relationship whisperer

My number three dream job, right behind Professional Makeup Try-er On-er and Professional Throw Away-er [of Other Peoples’ Crap] is Professional Matchmaker. For the record, I’ve been matchmaking – unprofessionally, of course – since before The Millionaire Matchmaker became a hit TV show. (That being said, I do love Patti Stanger and her Whip Those Douche Bags Into Shape personality. Patti, if you ever need an apprentice, call me!) Anyway, I don’t know if it’s because I’m a Jewish female or what, but I have been blessed with the matchmaking gift.

Well.

Okay.

Maybe one of my dear friends put it more accurately when she said, “Umm, Sarah, I just think you’re really good at breaking people up.”

And she has a point. Although my matchmaking has resulted in a successful marriage*, what I am more focused on is telling people when they’re in a relationship with someone who’s not a match. In fact, the first night I met the aforementioned dear friend, I told her I thought she needed to break up with her boyfriend.

If that seems harsh, it probably was, but my friend did ultimately break up with the dude and credits (and thanks!) me for it. So what if she thought I was a bitch when she first met me? We’re friends now! AND she’s no longer with her not-a-match boyfriend! It’s a win-win. Clearly.

This tactic of telling people, “You need to breakup with that loser!” upon first meeting them doesn’t always end in friendships, though. I have had people less than pleased with me for sticking my nosy nose into their business. But I can’t help it! If I see a couple who’s totally not a match, I feel it’s in their best interest for me to tell them so**! They might think I’m a bitch, but in the end they’ll thank me.

It’s a lot of work being a matchmaker, let me tell you what.

*This is true. I set up an old co-worker of mine from high-school/college with a guy I knew in high-school. They even worked me into their wedding vows. You hear that, Patti? That’s a 100% success rate right there!

**I’m not completely and totally socially inept. I hold my tongue in certain instances, mostly when I get the impression my “advice” could be misconstrued as, you know, rudeness.