Celebrities say the darndest – I mean dumbest – things!

Since I’ve already copped to my Us Weekly obsession, there’s really no need for me explain and/or justify this post. Just know that the following was inspired (heh) by the three most recent items that appeared when I checked Us Weekly‘s online component this morning.

Rielle Hunter Finds Her GQ Spread “Repulsive”
Rielle Hunter, aka: the woman who had an affair with John Edwards WHILE HIS WIFE WAS BATTLING CANCER and then pulled the ol’ keep-a-we don’t use that word here-baby is apparently repulsed at herself? Gee, Rielle, I’m glad YOU’RE repulsed at yourself because – and may I take the liberty to speak for all of us here? – WE’RE all repulsed by YOU. Honestly, what did you expect when you agreed to do a freaking photo spread for GQ Magazine? I have nothing against GQ, but it’s definitely more Playboy than Time, am I right? Did she really think it was going to be done tastefully? I guess just I feel bad for her daughter, who’s being objectified in this situation, all because Mommy is a giant whore-bag.

Miley: My Mom Had a “Crush” on My Boyfriend Liam Hemsworth
I…I…I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by this? I mean, Miley’s mom, Tish, does have that wicked back tat, which she debuted with such class trash at this year’s Academy Awards. I just think it’s sort of…awkward…that Miley said that. And awkward that her mom thought that. And awkward that Miley still wanted to date this boy, knowing that her mom had crushed (OMG I’M SORRY) on him. But mostly awkward that Miley said it. Methinks a certain publicist needs to have a chat with a certain celebrity and encourage her to not say things of such an…awkward nature. Also, Miley, stand up straight!

Gisele Bundchen Gained “30 Pounds” During Pregnancy, “Felt Like E.T.”
Maybe we can just chalk this up to a language barrier issue, but I don’t think Gisele meant that she felt like E.T. (phone home!) E.T. (phone home!) was a wee little alien, right? And he wasn’t exactly middle-heavy like a pregnant woman, was he? Oh! Maybe she meant that she felt like an alien, like it wasn’t her body? Yes, that would make sense. It would make sense, which is probably why it’s not what she meant. [Ed. note: Upon actually reading the article, I guess it does kinda-sorta make sense. But still, E.T. (phone home!) was an odd comparison, Gisele.]

So this wasn’t directly addressed in this particular article, but I feel the need to comment: A couple months ago, there was some brouhaha because Gisele said that giving birth was painless and I stayed out of it because hello! I have never given birth before (unless…unless maybe I have, but I can’t remember because it was so easy! and painless!) But now I’m going to weigh in because…Because can’t Gisele just stop talking about giving birth already? Honestly woman, you’re making it very hard for people to take you seriously when you keep saying things that NO ONE ELSE ON THE PLANET HAS EVER OR WILL EVER AGREE WITH. Stop leading me to believe that child birth will be wondrous! and easy! and fun! I doubt it will be. (Or will it be?)