You may not know this about me, but I am somewhat of a pop culture addict. Up until we moved, I religiously read my Us Weekly magazine every single Friday (with a glass of champagne in my hand, natch), but since the move, either the subscription has run out or the United States Postal Service has screwed up (take your pick), because I have not received ONE Us Weekly in almost four months. That being said, and I can’t believe I’m admitting this, I continue to get Us Weekly‘s updates on my phone, so as to make sure I’m not totally out of the loop.
Although I am a pop culture addict of the worst kind, I try to refrain from going into lengthy tirades here, so as to keep up appearances. TRUST ME, I could talk about “The Hills,” “The City,” the Kardashians, what-have-you, until the sun don’t shine, but in an attempt to make it seem like my life has a purpose (Spoiler Alert: It doesn’t), I’ve refrained. Until now. There are just too many things happening at the present time for me to keep my mouth shut any longer. So, here is my take on a few recent pop culture headlines. And don’t worry, you’ll find nothing about Tiger or the Gosselins here.
– I was in Mexico when Brittany Murphy died and when I found out days later…From the E! news ticker, as I was watching my DVR’d episode of “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” SHUT IT…I was shocked. I mean, not THAT shocked; she couldn’t have weighed more than 75 pounds, but shocked nonetheless. Not that she ever did anything that great, outside of playing Tai in Clueless, but there’s just something…Hmm, how do I put this?…Heath Ledger-ish when a star dies so young and unexpectedly, you know? Not to mention that now I can’t go around saying things like, “And my bu-uns, they don’t feel nothin like steel” or “Get outta town, I can do Marvin the Martian!” (WHICH, I’M NOT KIDDING, I ACTUALLY SAID LAST WEEK, prior to finding out Brittany had passed away) without feeling a pang of sadness.
– This past weekend, Charlie Sheen was arrested AGAIN for domestic abuse. I’m sorry, but I just found this to be kind of hilarious. I’ve been a fan of Denise Richards since her Drop Dead Gorgeous days, so when their divorce went down, I was definitely on Team Denise. I love how through their divorce, through his remarriage, and through everything in between, Denise has always said something along the lines of, “It’s only a matter of time before he does it again,” and right you were Denise, RIGHT YOU WERE. Sure I sort-of-not-really feel bad for the new wife, but once a cheater, always a cheater and all that jazz. I’m also really hoping the cameras were following Denise Richards around for her show, “It’s Complicated” when this Charlie Sheen mess went down. I’d love to see her reaction; I’m just a sucker for I-told-you-sos.
– Jersey Shore. Oh, Jersey Shore, Jersey Shore, Jersey Shore. This show could fill up a blog post all on its own, it is just that trashy and outrageous and ridiculous and other adjectives that I can’t even think of at the present moment because it’s just SO AWFUL. In fact, I propose we make Jersey Shore an adjective to describe the worst behavior imaginable. I can see it now: omfg, did u c spencer n heidis baby gettin crunk????!!!!1 hes only 2ys old, thats soooo jersey shore! Do the kids still use crunk, by the way? Probably not; I’m so out of touch. Either way, I really think Jersey Shore as an adjective might catch on. Just remember, you heard it here first.
The really funny part about Jersey Shore is NOT the fact that Mike calls his abdominal muscles “The Situation” (which confuses the hell out of me, by the way: “WHAT situation are you referring to, Mike? Oh, wait, you’re just talking about your abs again.”), but rather the shit-storm that Italian-Americans have started raining. Alyssa Milano, for example, has spoken out against the show. Sheds Italian-Americans in a bad light or some-such-thing. Umm, Alyssa, hasn’t the mafia, and more importantly, filmmakers who make movies abut the mafia (I’m looking at you, Scorsese), been shedding Italian-Americans in a bad light for years? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I rarely see people up-in-arms about how Jersey Shore Goodfellas was. (See? It totally worked, right?)