We begin amid a fight! Already? EXCELLENT. Everyone’s mad at SonJa because she won’t let anyone in her house as she packs for Atlantic City. A lot of “Lady Morgan” is being thrown around by Heather. Dorinda and Kristen are annoyed but hoooo boy, Heather is HOT. Ramona meets these three on the street; turns out she was allowed to come in and use SonJa’s terlet, but then was given the boot as well. Finally the limo arrives and the ladies, abandoning their suitcases in the street, escape the rain and start searching the limo high and low for a bottle opener. Yes, please, get these broads a cocktail, stat. Bethenny arrives (late, apparently; who knows what time they were supposed to leave originally) and apologizes profusely for being late. Now, listen. Heather seems rightfully mad at SonJa. It’s raining and you’re being forced to stand outside with your luggage while the trip’s hostess does whatever inside her dry apartment? Yeah, I’d be pissed too. But being mad at Bethenny as well seemed a little misplaced. It sounds as though Beth called to let people know she’d be late, which is more than can be said for SonJa. Not to mention, SonJa was later arriving at the limo than Bethenny. So WhoTF cares at this point that Bethenny is late! Anyway, some SkinnyGirl margs are opened and the ladies begin their journey to AC. Lucky for us, the fighting continues (I think Heather needs a snack…maybe?) and Ramona finally shuts the shit down, saying she wants a nice, chill birthday. YES PLEASE FOR ONCE EVERYONE LISTEN TO RAMONA.
Bethenny has to pee, but unfortunately there’s no bucket around, so the limo has to make a stop on the side of the road so Beth can cop a squat. Oh, yay, flashback to Bethenny pissing in a bucket! Ramona tried to pee on the side of the road, but couldn’t. Get Ramona a glass of warm water!
Commercial break…
And we’re back!
We have officially entered the Garden State! Praise be! The ladies are staying at the Borgata and Bethenny has kindly sent ahead an array of SkinnyGirl treats. I AM ROLLING MY EYES. I am assuming all the SkinnyGirl merch is part of her contract this season, but I am wearying of it and quickly.
There’s some talk of farts, Heather floods her bathroom, and Carole and Lu arrive before finally, it’s time to go out. Carole is sporting bunny ears. Kristen is wearing two different colored shoes and is, I must say, rocking it. Kristen, please put that on your blog! (I also like, btw, how Kristen compares AC to a bat mitzvah in Manhattan, basically saying she’d never wear two different shoes to a bat mitzvah in NYC, but in AC, who cares? I agree. I’m afraid of teenage Jewish girls too, Kristen.)
Oh good someone (Bethenny) brings up everyone (mainly Heather) being late for dinner. It’s LateGate, guys! The finally do arrive at dinner, order a metric ton of alcohol (GOOD, YES, KEEP THIS UP) and then Bethenny gets mad at a “shot” Carole took at her for comparing Lu to a European, when she’s really from Connecticut. Really? WhoTF cares, Beth? Bethenny then starts laying into SonJa and…
Commercial break…Coming up next, SonJa’s vagina!…
And we’re back!
Bethenny suggests SonJa take a Xanax, SonJa starts crying, Bethenny feels really bad, SonJa cries and eats edamame, SonJa claims she works in PR, finally Lu tells them all to STFU.
And it’s time for tequila shots! Nothing goes with sushi quite like tequila, I must say.
Lu awkwardly tells Ramona she likes her better now that she’s not with Mario anymore. Too soon, Lu, too soon.
The ladies finish dinner and head off to the blackjack tables. Carole pops up wearing a tuxedo t-shirt with boobs. I am horrified.
After winning some and losing some, the ladies go to da club where Ramona pets Carole’s boobs, SonJa tries to make out with Lu, and then Lu appoints herself SonJa’s Snatch Guard. Half a night in AC and we’re already throwing around snatch, huh? Okay.
Oh great, more tense conversation between Bethenny and SonJa.
Commercial break…
And we’re back!
Oh wait, it’s just to see Carole laying down in a muppet sweater getting her makeup done and talking about hickeys. Let’s move on.
Real Housewives of OC is coming back June 8th! YAY!
And we’re back in AC!
SonJa’s drunk and Dorinda draws the short straw (by way of everyone else ditching her) and is charged with taking SonJa to bed. SonJa rambles that she was a model in the UAE, she’s an artist, she partied with JFK, Jr. and Madonna.
The next morning, the ladies gather for brunch. By some kind of gift from god, SonJa looks great. SonJa goes to Bethenny’s to have a sober come to Jesus. SonJa admits that maybe some of the vitamins she takes don’t react well with alcohol. MKAY. Through their whole exchange, I do have to give it to Bethenny for keeping it together and bringing all of SonJa’s shit to the forefront. I’ve not been Bethenny’s biggest fan this go-around, but I liked her calling SonJa out. It seems to me what Bethenny is saying is falling on deaf ears for SonJa, though, and in her confessional, SonJa says Bethenny is projecting, so there you go.
Next time on the RHONY, there are clowns and abundance candles and Lu comparing Carole to SonJa and OH NO SHE DI’IN’T.
Oh Sonja. What a mess. God BLESS Bethenny for trying, but… I think it’s a fool’s errand.
Also, Carole’s t-shirt with the cleavage? What the what was THAT?