The Real Housewives of New York City is back and while I’m sure there are a ton of recaps out there, I thought, you know what the Internet needs? More RHONY recaps! Even though we’re already four episodes in, I figured I’d start recapping it anyway. Or maybe this will be my only recap on the subject! Stay tuned.
To get us in the groove, I thought I’d do a little profile on each of our characters. A Where Are They Now?, of sorts. Or a Who Are They At All?, in the case of the newest ‘wife, Dorinda.
Countess Lu
The Countess has long been a favorite housewife of mine. I don’t know what it is about her that just really speaks to me, but I find her learned elegance to be delightful. Also, the previews for this season kept showing her, obviously hungover as shit, saying, “Be cool. Don’t be, like, uncool.” I can’t wait for that episode so I can see what kind of quasi-French, Johnny Depp-looking pirate elicited that kind of eloquent speech from Lu.
Sexy J SonJa
As a counterpoint to Lu, SonJa is probably my least favorite housewife. I used to find her silly and fun but now she’s just, like, I don’t know, gossiping with her facialist and bossing around her “interns.” The fact that I have to put ” ” around interns–interns–just goes to show how much I think SonJa’s “international brand” is bullshit. I have a feeling I am going to be using a lot of ” ” when describing SonJa. Then again, SonJa brought her own purse beers to Lu’s party and poured one into a wine glass, so maybe she’s not all bad.
Ramona Pinto Grigio
Okay, so Ramona’s crazy, but I do feel bad for her, obviously. At least we can be assured that there will be no awkward massage scenes between her and Mario in our future, so, silver lining. Ramona does look fantastic, though, and has already apologized to someone for her behavior. I am not sure in seven seasons of this show that she’s apologized so quickly, if at all. I am also enjoying her distancing herself from SonJa, but if the distance with SonJa is more Dorinda, then I dunno.
Dorindaaaaaaa
DORINDAAAAAAA. I don’t really have much to say about this broad except that I wish Bravo would stop showing her spoiled, rude, affected daughter on tv. Yes, your mom is on tv. Yes, you by association might also get to be on tv occasionally. This is does not mean you get to act like a wang and call your mom a “chubby chaser” on national television. You are not the housewife, darling (Luann voice). A note about Dorinda’s boyfriend, btw. Uhh, he’s a gay man, right? Also it was very weird and uncomfortable when she said in the most recent episode that she hates when he orders her food at a restaurant because he always orders the wrong thing. Umm, tell him to shove it and order your own food? What was that about? (I guess I had more to say about this Dorindaaaaaaa than I thought.)
Holla Heather
I feel like Heather is a divisive housewife, but I have liked her since she went toe-to-toe with Ramona in her first season and also when she basically told Kristen to buck it up in Montana last season. Judging from how Bethenny acted towards Heather at the dinner with the two of them and Lu, I can pretty much guarantee I’ll continue to be on team Heather. Heather is just trying to move the plot along and Bethenny is shutting it down. To quote Lu, NOT COOL.
The B(ethenny)
Bethenny used to be by faaaar my favorite housewife, possibly ever. I was so excited to see her come back this season. But you guys, can I have take-backsies? She’s being awful already. AWFUL. I feel for her going through a divorce and everything–especially because in watching her spinoff show, it appeared that her husband was a very not-nice person; granted she seemed not great herself, but still. However, listen B, a) owning a home in the Hamptons, b) owning a home in SOHO that you’re renovating, and c) staying in presidential suites in NYC does not make you “homeless.” STAAAAHP with the homeless crap. Also, everything within a 20 foot radius of her being an ad for SkinnyGirl? Over it.
Carole
I usually love Carole, but she is starting off slow for me this season. She is being catty in a not-usual-Carole kind of way that I am not finding super funny. That said, in the most recent episode, we found that took some kind of drug-laced gummy bear and puked on a date with a young cute guy, so maybe she’s starting to pick up the pace a bit. ALSO, when she mentioned that her husband’s cousin died right before her husband, did you also get the impression that Bethenny had no idea the cousin was JFK, Jr.? A Carole v. Bethenny situation could be fun.
Yaaaaawn Kristen
There is literally no discernible reason I can find for Kristen to be on this show. Congratulations, your daughter is walking. I am so glad we wasted air time for that last season. Now please go.
And that’s all I got! I may or may not be back last week to talk more shit on these fine, fine ladies.
I feel the same amount of anticipation for the hungover Luann episode as I did for the Aviva/Leg episode. I CAN’T WAIT.
As you know, I want to give Dorinda’s daughter’s eyebrows a good scrub and I feel like it’s sort of weird that Dorinda is clearly dating Joe Guidice’s gay brother, the dry cleaner.
I am also over the Bethenny product placement. It seemed sort of business savvy in the early days, but now I feel like she needs to up her marketing game because that shit is stale.
Man, New York is just so MY FAVORITE. 🙂 Keep recapping!
I love RHONY. And can we talk about what a letdown the Kelly Bensimmon episode was?? I wanted some Kelly Kray Kray and was very disappointed.
Bethenny is my all time fave housewife but I agree she is being way too strident and touchy so far this season. Turn it down about ten notches, B.
Also Sonja is wacko but she has fantastic skin. Fan freaking tastic.
My favorite line so far is when Carole said that she’d been in Oscar gifting suites with less product placement than at Bethenny’s brunch. HAAAAA.
Also, I like Bethenny when she is refusing to be a dim doormat, but I do NOT like Bethenny when she is being blatantly rude. Lots of rude from her so far.