I had a whole post written today about making negative goals (DON’T eat sugar, for example) versus positive goals (DO workout every day this month.) I didn’t like the tone of the post, so I deleted it, but it made me think about goal-setting and maybe it’s just because it’s in my nature to be more positive, but I feel like negative goals (don’t do this, give up that, etc.) can be…stifling. And also mindfuckery-ing.
For whatever reason, it’s so much easier for me — even if I don’t accomplish positive goals in their entirety — to give myself a pat on the back for what I did accomplish, as opposed to chastising myself for what I didn’t. Which is ridiculous! If I workout most of the days in January, I’d say I “pretty much accomplished” my goal. Yet if I eat an ice cream sundae a couple times, I’d consider it “failing” at my goal.
What is that? That’s just dumb.
(The weird thing is I never thought of my Whole30 experience as a negative goal, even though there was a lot of eliminating of certain foods. Maybe because to get through it, I focused more on the things I could have — look at all the avocado I get to eat!!!!!!!!!!! YAY! — as opposed to the stuff I couldn’t, but for whatever reason, Whole30 was in the positive goals column for me.)
Who knows, maybe it’s in the approach? Maybe my goal should be eating an ice cream sundae every single day. (That actually sounds pretty good.) Or maybe I shouldn’t set any goals at all and just go through life doing whatever, whenever. (That sounds…Not good.)
Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Because this post is about as coherent as the original one I deleted, but I feel like there’s something there.
I think this is such a fabulous, positive way to look at all of it. I was just thinking about this in terms of people’s diets. It’s always, “Eat less of XX” not, “Eat more fruit!” or “Up vegetable intake!” when, if you did those things, you would feel better and probably eat less of the stuff you want to avoid anyway.
I agree! I like this approach. When I want to be healthier, I think less about what I shouldn’t be doing (though I do think about that some, too) but I try to frame it in a more positive way. Right now my plan is just Eat a Lot of Vegetables. I LOVE vegetables. I am bad at CHOOSING vegetables (salad or vegetable soup or whatever) instead of, like, peanut butter for my lunch. Since I made the goal Eat a Lot of Vegetables, I’m more inclined to choose vegetables. But even if I don’t ALWAYS choose vegetables, at least I’m doing so more often. My negative goals tend to be more along the lines of things I should not be doing every day. Do I need processed sugar every day? Or piles of cheese? No, no I can do without that. But then I don’t beat myself up on the days I do have it, as long as I know I’m keeping that balance. And I don’t know if THIS made any sense either, but I like what you’ve said here. I think this is definitely a situation where some people work better in the negative and others better in the positive.
One word: mindfuckery-ing.
Dude, perfection.
I like this approach too, but I always sort of think goals that are too restrictive in any way are inhibiting. Even the “workout every day” can be hard, because if you miss a day at the beginning of the month…what then?
I sort of have a goal to quit Diet Coke. It was actually a 2012 goal, but clearly it didn’t happen, although I did give it more attention in November and December. But, my goal to drink more water and no caffeine in the afternoon has sort of been making the Diet Coke thing happen. And I decided that I am going to be OK with an occasionally Diet Coke anyways.
My sister is always starting these diets that are totally restrictive and require her to workout a zillion times a day and I just think that’s ridiculous. She never listens to me though!
My husband though did make a goal to quite nicotine last year and I am so proud of him that he did it. I mean, I made that goal a long time ago when I got pregnant and that is kind of a goal that you have do a “stop” with. I guess it depends on the goal??? I’m not very helpful!
I think that, when it comes to food, focusing on the yeses is really the way to go. I mean, if you really, truly fill up on all the veggies and good-for-you stuff, you have less room left for a giant bowl of ice cream, right? At least in theory?
But yeah, I’m with you. I’d so much rather think about what I can have and what I can do rather than the other way around.
I feel like whenever I make restrictive goals (No wine on weeknights!) the thing that I’m not supposed to have is all I think about. What works better for me is the “No x unless I y” goal.
(But, I totally needed that wine last night, even if I didn’t work out)