Just one of many heartbreaks to come

Every morning (and mid-morning and afternoon and mid-afternoon and evening and night) this week, I’ve held LG and said, “DON’T LEAVE MEEEEEE!” Understandably, she looks at me like I’ve lost it.

I go back to work on Monday and it’s a mixed bag, as you can imagine. I’m half looking forward to it — adult conversation! A reason to put on pants every day! Uninterrupted meals! Okay, maybe not that last one, but whatever. Meals without someone crying! Okay, still not that last one — and half not. The cost of daycare is practically the cost of our mortgage! I don’t want to leave my BABY! (And those are really the only two bad things. Still pretty bad things, though.)

The truth is, daycare is better for LG than staying home with me. I love the kid and all, but, yeah — I’m not interested in getting into a work-outside-the-home v. work-inside-the-home discussion here, so suffice it to say, different strokes and all of that — LG will get more out of daycare than being home with me, I think. Every time I get sad, which is ALL OF THE TIME, I remember that. She’ll thank me later! Yes? Yes. (PLEASE TELL ME YES.)

So that’s where we are right now. I plan to finish out rest of this week pretending like it’s not Thursday, then Friday, then Saturday, then Sunday and come Monday, I’ll either need to have Chris come with me for the daycare drop-off or I’ll pull a Tami Taylor and just take LG to work with me.

I may be a hard-hearted bitch most of the time, but this time? Not so much.

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14 Responses to Just one of many heartbreaks to come

  1. Daisy says:

    She will thank you later. I promise. (I really have NO IDEA, HI NO KIDS) but hey! I’m probably going to work after we have kids so I’ll tell you it is ok if you tell me later. Ok? Ok.

  2. A. says:

    I totally understand everything you’re saying. I needed to go back to work – coffee, internet, friends, peace – but I also missed him. However, staying home with me? Boring. After a week home with mom and dad while daycare was closed for her vacation this month, he JUMPED out of my arms the day he went back. All the toys, All the kids, all the stimulation… With me, he just knows TV show theme songs and walks in circles. 😉 It will be great for both of you.

  3. agirlandaboy says:

    You’ll be great, and she’ll love it. Daycare has been one of the best things we ever did, for serious, and not just for Wombat but for the whole family.

  4. Barbetti says:

    She will thank you for it, and you’ll appreciate the time you have with her that much more. I’ve repeated, over and over, that maternity leave is not for me. I’m looking forward to going to work again and I would in a heart beat if the nearest daycare for infants wasn’t 60min away, one-way.

  5. -R- says:

    My son has THRIVED in daycare. They do awesome crafts and play outside all the time and learn how to get along with other kids. Your daughter will love it! Even babies get something out of it by seeing what the older babies can do. And I think you will be amazed by the freedom you have when you go back to work. Going to the bathroom whenever you want and all by yourself! It’s great!

    Of course, it’s hard too. I remember that the first day I felt guilty for leaving my kid at daycare.

  6. OMG. THAT PICTURE. so precious.

  7. queencaren says:

    Daycare is a good thing for ALL of the reasons everyone has already written. It will be harder for you than for LG.

    You used to love going to see all your friends even when I had a day off…

    She will be more than fine. Don’t bother with guilt – it won’t change anything…

    xoxoxo

  8. Angella says:

    Aw, that’s a hard one. We were lucky in that I worked from home when the kids were babies, but when I came back to the office last year, I had to put Emily in preschool/home care a few times a week and it was hard on me.

    But, she loved it, and I’m sure LG will too. 🙂

  9. That picture is a day-brightener. Such happy smiles!

    I was a daycare kid and I turned out okay. But man, I can imagine Monday will be tough. Hope it goes better than you anticipate!

  10. CBHL says:

    It’ll be kinda like an initiation back to the “real world.” I still feel as though Taylor gets more out of daycare than she would get with me at home. I actually felt guilty the other day when I picked her up from daycare & my lady is telling me how much Taylor is learning & all that she is doing & I’m like, “damn, I guess I should work with her on that stuff at home…I’m a crappy parent!” Thank you, daycare, for teaching my child for me!

  11. Alyssa says:

    I can definitely see how daycare could be a very positive thing, especially if you just have one kid. Even if it were just a few days out of the week! I’m sad and happy for you, because I am sure you will miss her, but it seems like you also don’t mind going back to work and having adult interaction 🙂 I, on the other hand, don’t even have a kid and I am already fearing immense sadness if I have to go back to work when I have a baby. We’ll see!

  12. Mama Bub says:

    After sending my son to preschool I started to wish that he had gone to daycare, even for a few days. I still have days when I wish preschool was daily, or that I could find a way to send my daughter to daycare and still stay home. Dare to dream, right? Anyway, it will be awesome and I envy you driving ALONE in your car.

  13. Jennie says:

    I had to have Mike do the drop-off the first week. But it got easier! It got easier quick. Half of it was really liking the center and half of it was getting into a groove that really worked for us.

    And, now, he runs into his class yelling all his friends’ names, giddy with happiness to be there, and it makes me all the more certain I’ve found a situation that works for us.

    It gets easier (and cheaper!), we’re really happy, but that first week sucked. I drank a lot of wine after bedtime that week. G-chat or call or email or ANYTHING if you just need to vent.

  14. Wendy says:

    I know I am a better mom when I have a chance to be a working adult. And I know my girl LOVES her daycare and learns so much from the other kids. I mean daily she comes home with a new word or action or something! And I know that they are professionals who will work with my girl (and me) as we figure out what she is capable of and ready to learn. But I also know how achingly HARD it is to leave them there… to just walk away. Especially if there is a tear… It gets better, it gets easier, it’s get routine.

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