I watch too much TV, but you already knew that

I’m generally a fan of anything Showtime puts out. I watch Weeds, Dexter, Californication, and Shameless. I would probably also watch The Big C and Nurse Jackie and United States of Tara, but I just never got into any of those shows, which isn’t to say I won’t at some point in time, but you know. Not yet.

Anyway, I have a bone to pick with Showtime with regard to two shows. Weeds and Shameless, I’m looking at you.

Let’s start with Weeds, shall we? Oh, I should mention here that if you’re not caught up with last season, then you probably don’t want to read anymore. Come back after the ——————————————- when we’ll start talking about Shameless. Unless you haven’t seen Shameless either, in which case, skip to the second ——————————————- where I discuss what an ass Rocco DiSpirito is.

Okay, so, Weeds. When it first started and Nancy Botwin was dealing drugs to her fellow Orange County moms, I thought it was weird, yes, but not totally out of the range of possibilities (for a Showtime show, not for real life, obvs. At least not MY real life.) But then, as things spiraled more and more out of control each season and Nancy took up with a Mexican drug lord and then had his baby and then went on the lamb and then last season, when we found out Silas wasn’t Judah’s kid? I was like, HOLD UP (HEY.) I require some clarification, please.

HOW did Nancy get to this point in her life? What happened in her childhood or in her marriage with Judah or in her relationship with Silas’s biological father that made her so freaking crazy? Why does she continuously do things that are harmful to herself and her family? Even though she (rarely) does the drugs she’s dealing, she’s obviously addicted to this dangerous life. But why, Showtime, WHY?  Give us a little background info, will ya? Maybe some flashbacks, Dexter-style. That would be helpful.

(And if this is one of the situations where I, as the viewer, am given the opportunity to watch the show and make my own determinations as to why Nancy is the way she is? Well, I call bullshit. I’m watching the ‘tube for a reason. And that reason is to not have to think.)

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Now, Shameless. Basically I have the same problem with Shameless that I do with Weeds. How in THE HELL did this family get to be so, so fucked up? Sure it’s funny to see Frank get hammered and then fall asleep on a park bench or under a freeway, but dude has six kids with (for the most part) the same woman.  Things weren’t always so awful. He must have been a decent guy at some point in time. When did things start to go off the deep end? These are things I would like to know, Showtime. Please to address.

Also, other than Frank getting all hammered, nothing really happened on Shameless. There was that weird little side-plot where Steve wasn’t actually Steve, but it never really went anywhere and was never resolved and I had high hopes for a little bit of an explanation into The Crazy when the kids’ mom came around with her girlfriend, but even that storyline went away as quickly as it had arrived.

And, not for nothing, but if you can’t throw a flashback or two in there, then you need to make the show 30 minutes long, not an hour. Because an hour of watching William H. Macy screw things up and then Emmy Rossum (LOVE HER) fix all his mistakes OR watching all the truly fucked up shit that goes on with Joan Cusack and her family makes me depressed on a Sunday night*. Thanks a lot, Showtime, now I’m depressed.

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Has anyone been watching Rocco’s Dinner Party? I’ve been watching it, even though I hate (hate, hate, HATE) Rocco DiSpirito. He is just truly awful to his contestants, making rude, almost snarky remarks. Snark is a dish (see what I did there?) best served by a 13-year-old girl, Rocco. It’s not a good look for you.

Speaking of looks, Rocco acts like that cute guy from high school who was a jerk to all the ladies because he KNEW he was hot shit. You know the guy. The guy you went after, who totally wasn’t interested because you weren’t, like, the cutest girl and didn’t have good hair, but it doesn’t matter now because he’s a college drop-out who works in “law enforcement” (read: “private security”) (read: rent-a-cop.)

Rocco is that guy. He was cute and dare I say likeable when he did that show on NBC about opening his (first?) restaurant. He treated his mama nicely and worked hard to get that restaurant open. And then he became a “celebrity chef” (barf me) and his head grew a few sizes and he turned into that jerk from high school. Listen Rocco, just because you’re one of the better-looking chefs out there doesn’t mean you’re hot. It just means you’re better-looking than Mario Batali (sorry Mario.) Also, you’re just a chef, not Tim Riggins.

Anyway, so Rocco’s an asshole and the show is kind of stupid, but he has really good dinner guests and – this is sort of sad – Chris and I are the special brand of dorky food people who like to put ourselves in the challenge, hypothetically, and discuss what meals we’d make and why and yeah, okay…Maybe it’s time for me to drown my dorky sorrows in a glass of champagne.

Happy Friday! Work sucks weekend, woo-hoo!

*During the winter, I went through a bit of a dark period where I couldn’t watch Dexter. It got dark outside so early; it was Sunday night, arguably the worst night of the week; and I just couldn’t sit around and watch murderin’ going on on my TV. I am easily affected, y’all.