When I first found out I was pregnant, I thought I’d do these cute weekly updates where I tell you all about how I’m feeling and compare the size of my fetus to a fruit or a vegetable.
As time has gone on, though, I’ve realized no one wants to hear about my bloody sphincter and as cute as it may be to compare my baby to a banana or a mango, it’s actually more confusing than anything else. One week it’s a butternut squash, the next week it’s a carrot, and what the hell, are we using organic vegetables one week and non-organic the next? Plus, those cute little comparisons end with a watermelon, so I’m sort of over it.
Anyway, I’m still pregnant. 23 weeks and 5 days if you want to be exact.
So far pregnancy really hasn’t been too bad to me and if it weren’t for the not drinking and the NO FUN EVER! YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO HAVE FUN AGAIN! and the recent development of not being able to breathe after every meal, I’d venture to say I love being pregnant. But, see above (all those things.) So no, I don’t love it.
Something that’s surprised me that I expected to be way, way worse is the unsolicited advice. I don’t know if it’s because I generally surround myself with cool people – both in real life and on the Internet – who give good advice, or because I have a sort of eff-you-and-the-horse-you-rode-in-on attitude when it comes to unsolicited advice in general (most likely a combination of the two), but the whole unsolicited advice experience hasn’t been too bad.
What’s funny to me about all the advice, though, is that – while I certainly DO appreciate the good advice, don’t get me wrong – it all seems to be newborn- and baby-centric. And it’s not that those aren’t important times that are hard to get through, but you know, one day our daughter is going to be smoking drugs and drinking 40s. I just hope she doesn’t get arrested. But hey, if she does, she’ll have two people who can give her plenty of first-hand advice about THAT.
If you want to take about the craziness of teenagers, I’m your girl! In fact, I barely remember wee Sprog
Ha! You are so freaking hilarious, lady! Oh man. The title of this post is too funny. Love it! And yeah, teenagers do sound scarier than babies! Eeeee! Sounds like you already have some advice for your future rebel though — I think you’re going to rock this whole parenthood thing!
Glad you haven’t gotten a mouthful from the crazies. Congrats on almost 6 months. WOO HOO.
I am surprised I haven’t gotten “you’ve got your hands full” or “WOW, ANOTHER boy?” comments. 🙂
I can pass along advice about meeting mostly deadbeat men and how to get pregnant before she’s even eligible to vote.
People love to give advice about babies because babies are easy compared to kids. Truefax.
Sometimes I get frustrated with my two baby boys and then I stop and remind myself that pretty soon? They’ll be teenage boys. And if they’re anything like their father (stealing cars, totaling 5 cars, hooking up with random bitches)…I’m going to end up committed.
ha you are so awesome. It is posts like this that make me feel as though we will get along!
I went from a peach to a lemon this week. I don’t know what kind of freakyass lemons they’re referring to. I’ve never seen a lemon larger than a peach. SO OVER IT.
I just want to wear a button when I’m pregnant that reads, “If I want your advice, I’ll ask. THANKS.”