Now that the cat’s out of the bag – or rather, the fetus is in the uterus, whatever – I thought I’d let you know what’s been going on the past three months.
The major major thing, other than the BABY, of course (baby, baby, baby, blah, blah, blah, BOOOOORING) is that I’ve had to give up my beloved champers.
Let’s all take a moment of silence to commemorate a better, bubblier time, shall we?
Other than that, there haven’t been many other major changes. Word on the street is there’s an ever-growing list of food you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT EAT EVER while pregnant, but I am blissfully unaware and if someone tries to tell me I can’t eat a turkey-freaking-sandwich, I’ll just be over here, fingers in ears, singing LA LA LA LA LA.
Physically, I’m feeling good. Oh! Other than the mother-loving headaches. Oof, the headaches. Tylenol is jack shit, let me tell you what. It does NOTHING, probably because I’m so used to mainlining Excedrin when I have a headache. Tylenol’s shit; I just can’t say it enough.
But other than the headaches, all’s good. I haven’t had any morning sickness or any of that mess, which made both my mom and grandma predict – separately – that I’m having a boy.
Speaking of gender, I don’t plan on announcing the gender here on the old blog. I rather like keeping secrets and think surprises are fun, so I’ll be announcing it once the kid’s out. (Just thought I’d clear that up now, that way I don’t come off as a total bitch if you ask me what the gender is and I refuse to tell you.) I can be kind of a doofus, though, so don’t be surprised if I pull a Jennifer Garner.
Apparently you’re supposed to have crazy dreams when pregnant, but I have yet to experience any. In fact, I can barely remember my dreams, which is not like me at all, and even the ones I can remember haven’t been all that wacky and definitely not as wacky as my non-pregnant dreams. (Last night, I did have a dream I was eating nacho cheese Doritos and they were barely cheesy at all! What a disappointment.)
I have been peeing – on average – five times a night. THEY SAY that’s supposed to stop in the second trimester, which, last time I counted, I am in right now, but apparently my body doesn’t care and insists on waking me up early and often to walk on the freezing cold tile and be on the lookout for Jeffrey Dahmer* trying to kill me. Or rather, Chris, since Jeffrey was into dudes.
Anyway, I guess that’s all that’s new with me and pretty much brings you up-to-date on my health and well-being during this very special time in my life (hah.) I can’t make any promises that this blog won’t turn into ALL BABY ALL THE TIME, but at least for now I neglected to bring up the constipation and the gas.
*So, the Jeffrey Dahmer thing needs explaining, yes? Chris and I have this stupid habit of watching documentaries or biopics about serial killers late at night and then Chris always remembers some especially crazy killer from the Northwest, so then I have to look that person up on the Internet, and then that leads to me looking up ALL the major serial killers, which then causes me to think Jeffrey Dahmer is hanging out in the corner of our bedroom, watching us (or rather, Chris) sleep. Seriously, it’s ridiculous. I have to constantly remind myself that, A) It was JUST A MOVIE, B) Jeffrey Dahmer is dead, C) I am HAVING A BABY; that’s way scarier than a serial killer, and D) Stop being dumb, Sarah. Just stop.
um, I am well into the 2nd trimester (I think) and I still got up twice last night to pee. If something wakes me up, like hubs BREATHING, then I have to pee. And I definitely don’t drink as much water as I should and I STILL pay for it every night.
Dude, you slay me. (ha, see what I did there. slay? serial killers? Lame? Ok then.)
Seriously though, I just snorted at my desk. At you, I mean, not my lame serial killer joke.
****Hi coworkers, I’m totally just snorting over here in my cubicle working. Not reading blogs…no, no. Definitely not reading blogs.****
Anyway, glad no morning sickness! Looking forward to seeing you and your cute little preggo self at brunch…I’ll drink a mimosa for you.
Dude, I’m with you. Our parents didn’t have an encyclopedia’s worth of banned foods when they were preggers with us, and we turned out fine…um, I think. If I were pregnant, I think I’d use it as an excuse to eat raw cookie dough by the pound, and I’d also have sushi if I damn well pleased!
Oh dear, Sarah. I as sicker than shit on toast and have two boys…
Tylenol is worthless, you may as well eat Pez.
I’m not sure how you feel about caffeine while pregnant, but an ice cold Coke was the only thing that cured my headaches. Uh, I mean, I’ve heard that works. I never drank caffeine while pregnant.
In all seriousness though – when it was a couple of sodas during my first trimester or head-splitting, incapacitating pain, the sodas won. And it worked.
Sarah – I adore you – which as my daughter is a very good thing! You velly, velly funny. See my mean?
Aunt Les said Tylenol with Codeine might work – didn’t work for her but hey, I say, a prescription for codeine for anyone friend or foe is a great thing. I guarantee someone will want to take some. 🙂
Diet coke is a BRILLIANT suggestion. There is something about caffeine and bubbles that really, really does help. Good advice Mama Bub.
Also and finally… stop watching the scary shit at night. OMG, you come from a direct line – that would be me – of total freaker outers about the scary stuff. Paranormal Activity WAS REAL and I swear, caused me to carry a flashlight to the bathroom for at least a week. I wanted to wake Dad up casually by rolling into him and making it about him and then saying HEY, can you make sure I make it to and from the bathroom because the paranormal creature is watching me – but I always managed to find the courage within to just go pee and come back to bed.
All I can say it don’t watch that girl spelunking movie. HFS – didn’t sleep for a week! Ble-leh-leh-leh.
OMG. The dreams! I had some crazy dreams!
And yeah, Tylenol is worthless.
P.S. You’re mother is hilarious.
I cannot even imagine how often I might need to pee at night when I’m pregnant as I already go 2-3 times currently.
The getting up to pee thing only gets worse…..seriously. I was up to about 8 times a night in the last month. Sorry, just warning you! You’ll learn to sleep walk into the bathroom and also wipe in your sleep. It’s a beautiful thing.
P.S. I love your mom!